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Joe Watches "Breaking Dawn", Rants About It
TheRedneck14, also known as Joe has made his hatred of the Twilight series known throughout the time it gained popularity across the Country. In here, he goes to a theater the week after the first part of the movie of the last book was released, and right after he gets home from it he takes to Gen 90s to rant about how awful it was. The Rant Wow.... Good God that was a ******* long movie. One good thing was that I went in the morning when most of the teenage girls were still in school so there was only about 10 other people in the theater. I went by myself though so there wasn't even anyone I could joke around with. I was just alone in my misery. My biggest problem with BD was just how long it went on. It is a very simple story to explain, the Pale ***** and Sparkles get married, they screw, Pale Chick gets pregnant, the pregnancy screws her up pretty bad, and she almost dies giving birth but in the end everything is okay. Oh, and she becomes a vampire, Pedowolf also falls in love with the baby. It took two hours to tell all of this. And the rest of the book is basically Pale Chick finding out what vampire life is like, the vampire high council or whatever the hell they are called think something wrong happened (the baby being turned into a vampire instead of being born as one) but then they find out they were wrong and everything is cool. This entire story could have been told in one 2½ hour movie. Easily. Now "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows", I can get that being turned into two movies because a lot happened in that book. With this piece of **** nothing happened. With the whole vampire/werewolf fight it is just a bunch of talking for one little fight that looks like something from one of Michael Bay's Transformers movies with how the camera angles are set up and how you can't even tell what the hell is happening. All that wait for just *quick fight* and then Edward saying that Pedowolf fell in love with the baby and now the other Wolves can't hurt any of them because it is part of the Werewolf highest law or some crap like that. One of the comments Spoony made in his review about this whole imprinting thing just sums up everything I think about that ridiculous thing. Basically, Jacob saw the baby just as he was going to kill it, fell to his knees, and he thought "I love this baby so much I am going to **** it one day". With the wedding/honeymoon stuff, it was just boring as hell. I do like seeing two people from 24 (Nina Meyers and the dude who was trying to kill Kim Bauer in season 2 ) were playing Pale Chick's parents but that was about it. Instead of being funny because of the awkwardness and how Pale Chick was just the little **** tease manipulative sociopath ***** who took joy out of watching these poor mythical creatures fighting over each other for her affection. Really, Pale Chick is just a horrible human being who doesn't care if her actions hurt anyone else, she is a Succubus. Now that they are together, it is just boring. And Pale Chick is a little nympho who seems to like it rough too. She was covered in bruises and the room was torn apart after they did it, and while he was apologizing for hurting her she was just begging him to do it again. Remember girls, it doesn't matter if he hurts you, he does it because he loves you. By the way, wasn't it supposed to be impossible for vampires to get humans pregnant? Well, they showed the reflections of some of Sparkles' sisters in a mirror around the start so it is obvious Stephenie Meyer doesn't give a **** what Vampires are supposed to do. Shouldn't these idiots have at least used protection? I also don't get why she still wanted to have the thing when everyone was telling her that if the baby stayed in there too long it would kill her. I won't even get into how Twilight is trying to talk to us about abortion now but doesn't this idiot want to live? I know she has tried to kill herself before because she couldn't be with Sparkles in one of the older books, and I know that everything turned out okay. But wouldn't common sense tell you that the baby was going to kill you and that letting that happen is not smart? Things finally got funny after the miserable drawn out boredom near the end when Pale Chicks spine broke while she was waiting for Sparkles' daddy to bring more blood for her to drink out of a foam cup so she could nourish the little chestburster. Then one of Sparkles' sisters sliced her stomach open with a scalpel, and Sparkles started biting her uterus open and he ripped out the little demon spawn. Then she died, so Sparkles injected her with venom and started biting her all over the place to try and make her into a vampire. And it looked like she was dead, then at the end all the venom made her broken bones (they literally showed her chest re-inflating once her bones grew back) and she returned to normal. Then her eyes opened up and they were red like a vampire, and now all the Twihards need to wait another year for the next awful movie. Really, pretty much everything that happened after the time Pale Chick started drinking the blood and her spine broke the movie was just funny as hell. Partially because of the bad special effects (and this movies is filled with that) and how ridiculous the imagery is along with some of the sound effects like when Sparkles is biting her chest open just made me laugh my ass off. Now there is one thing I will give this movie credit for. Pretty much the entire thing was horrible, but once Pale Chick got pregnant the demon spawn was sucking all of the life out of her and they did a great job making her look like the life was being drained out of her. I don't know if it was makeup, or if the actress actually lost all of that weight to make herself look like she was under 100 pounds not counting that monster in her chest that was killing her. Yeah, it was a horrible, horrible movie that was just too long and drawn out with horrible special effects, the main actors are bad, the soundtrack is awful, the story is just stupid, and I don't understand why people even like these books/movies. But hey, at least they did something right. If you value your sanity. Please do not see this awful movie. Category:Topics